“To truly understand the nuances of human connection, our AI simply requires the energy output of a small star,” said Marcus Chen, Vice President of Infrastructure. “We found that standard grid electricity just doesn’t provide the thermal density required to write a three-sentence email recap. By pivoting to direct nuclear fission, we ensure that when a user asks Meta AI for a gluten-free pancake recipe, the latency is reduced by four milliseconds, even if the Geiger counters in the boardroom start clicking furiously during the quarterly review.”

The initiative aims to support the company’s new AI supercluster, which now demands gigawatts of power to function at basic capacity. While local residents have raised concerns about the glowing green steam venting from the headquarters, leadership insists the trade-off is essential for progress. “Innovation requires sacrifice,” explained Sarah Kim, Director of Global Operations. “If we want an AI that can accurately generate six-fingered hands in real-time, we need to be comfortable with a little background radiation. It’s a small price to pay for a chatbot that can almost correctly summarize a PDF without hallucinating facts more than half the time.”

At press time, Zuckerberg was seen requesting more fuel rods to help the AI solve a particularly difficult “Find the Traffic Lights” CAPTCHA.

Inspired by actual events.