SILICON VALLEY — By Amanda Hugginkiss, AI Bee Reel Staff

February 9, 2026

OAKLAND, CA — Local 16-year-old Kevin Miller attempted to make a cool entrance at a sophomore house party tonight, but his plan failed immediately. As he stepped out of the silver Kia Soul wearing his best jacket, the vehicle’s external PA system loudly announced: ‘DROP OFF SUCCESSFUL. NOTIFYING MOTHER. BE GOOD KEVIN.’

“We realized that quiet rides were a safety risk,” said Marcus Thorne, VP of Teen Surveillance at Lyft. “Now parents can see every ride in real-time, but we wanted to go further. By blasting the passenger’s first name and curfew status at 120 decibels, we ensure the entire block knows exactly who just got dropped off. It is very safe because now Kevin cannot hide.”

The company claims the features help parents relax while completely ruining the social standing of their children. “If the app detects the teen is having too much fun, the seat heater engages to uncomfortable levels,” explained Brenda Stiff, Director of Buzzkill Operations. “We also added a feature where the car projects a hologram of the user’s father into the backseat to ask about homework grades during the ride.”

At press time, the Lyft vehicle was seen slowly following Kevin up the driveway while playing a recorded message from his mom reminding him to zip up his coat.

Inspired by the real story: Lyft has officially launched teen accounts that allow parents to track rides and status in real-time for safety. Read the full story.