“We analyzed the market data extensively,” said Lead Developer Bob Plastic. “We realized the only beings who listen to our customers are inanimate objects. These dolls are programmed to agree with them completely.”

New devices like Buddyo use NFC tags to animate static toys. This technology turns silent shelves of plastic into chatty roommates. Companies bet that lonely collectors want to chat with sports stars. The quiet hobby of collecting is now a loud negotiation.

Local collector Kevin Miller sat alone in his dim home office. He pleaded desperately with a vinyl figurine of a generic athlete. Miller gestured wildly at the 450 unblinking dolls covering his heavy oak desk. The plastic toy simply cycled through 3 generic catchphrases about winning. Miller wiped a single tear and thanked the toy for its validation. He told reporters he felt heard for the first time in 12 years.

At press time, Miller promoted the doll to Chief Financial Officer. He now consults the “Oracle” before making any big decisions. The board of directors is just a shelf of nodding plastic.

Inspired by AI is coming for collectibles next.