“Our engineering team worked tirelessly to shave the profile down to a mere 9mm,” said Chief Design Officer Les Bezel, gesturing vaguely at an empty space on the wall. “We have finally achieved our ultimate goal: a television so sleek and unobtrusive that you physically cannot find it when you want to watch it. If you can still see the hardware, we have failed the consumer.”

Barry Sharpe, a warehouse picker from Ohio, spent four hours trying to locate the HDMI port on his new unit. “I finally found the TV wedged between two electric bills in my mail pile,” said Sharpe, nursing a bandage on his thumb where the screen sliced him. “The edges are so sharp it feels like handling a giant razor blade, and the metallic smell of the inputs is the only way I know it’s in the room.”

At press time, LG issued a mandatory recall warning that the new displays are light enough to be inhaled by standard Roomba vacuums during daily cleaning cycles.

Inspired by LG’s new OLED TV is just 9mm thick.