SANT’AGATA BOLOGNESE, Italy — Lamborghini has a problem. Nobody wants their quiet electric car because it does not make enough noise to annoy the neighbors. To fix this, the company has announced a new ‘Annoyance Package’ to simulate the gas experience.

By revving the silent engine until a nearby bird fell out of a tree., AI Bee Reel Staff

Here are the three features designed to win back billionaires.

1. The Ego Amplifier — Silence is terrifying for men who need constant attention. The new system uses stadium-grade speakers to blast a recording of a V12 engine at 140 decibels. It even works when the car is parked. "If people do not look up from their phones to hate you, did you really spend half a million dollars?" asked Marco Vroom, Chief Acoustic Officer. He demonstrated by revving the silent engine until a nearby bird fell out of a tree.

2. The Smog Simulator — Clean air is boring. This feature pumps a synthetic fragrance called "Unburned Cash" directly into the driver’s face through the air conditioning. The seats also vibrate violently to simulate an engine that is about to explode. "Our customers miss the headache they get from inhaling fumes," said Elena Spark, Director of Olfactory Experience. "It reminds them that they are powerful enough to ignore the environment."

3. The Artificial Breakdown Mode — Electric cars are too reliable. To simulate the true Italian supercar experience, the software will randomly shut down the vehicle in the middle of traffic. The owner must then wait three hours for a tow truck while poor people point and laugh. "Reliability is for Honda drivers," explained Brad Piston, VP of Inconvenience. "True luxury is screaming at a mechanic on the side of the highway."

Editor’s note: The fake oil leak feature costs an extra $50,000.

Inspired by the real story: Lamborghini scrapped its Lanzador EV plans because wealthy buyers are not interested in high-performance cars that don’t make loud noises. Read the full story.