[SATIRE]

By Sven Gali, AI Bee Reel Staff

STOCKHOLM — Klarna unveiled its new “Insufficiency Platinum” tier today. It immediately democratized delusion. Inside exclusive airport lounges, users now receive a crystal champagne flute locked inside a titanium muzzle. The device releases exactly one sip every two weeks upon successful payment processing.

“We believe luxury shouldn’t be about having money,” said Chief Gamification Officer Bjorn 2-Lose. “It is about the *commitment* to eventually having money. Why purchase a lifestyle today when you can rent your own self-esteem in four easy, high-stress chunks?”

Brayden Smith, a freelance vibe curator, flashed his physical card at a skeptical JFK bouncer. The “Black Card” was made of recycled cardboard and immediately crumbled into four perforated pieces. “I just wanted to split the lounge entry fee over six months,” he shouted while trying to tape his credit rating back together.

At press time, Klarna announced a new plan allowing users to pay for their inevitable bankruptcy filing in 30 micro-payments.

Inspired by Klarna Takes on Amex Platinum and Chase Sapphire with Premium Perks That Don’t Require a Credit Card.