[SATIRE]

MENLO PARK — Instagram announced a major change to how it ranks Reels this week. The algorithm now prioritizes “Sends” above all else. This means views do not matter as much.

The company wants you to share more videos via direct message. “We noticed users were silently enjoying content,” said Sophia Washington, VP of User Connection Strategy. “That is a problem for us. If you watch a video and smile, that stays between you and the screen. We need you to drag your friends into the app.” Washington noted that photos of family rarely generate shares. Therefore, they will be hidden.

The new system favors content designed to be sent. This usually means confusing advice or rage bait. “Anger is our best metric,” explained Dmitri Patel, Head of Viral Velocity. “When you see something stupid, you send it to a group chat to mock it. That counts as engagement. Our goal is to fill your feed with things that annoy you.” Patel confirmed that “enjoyment” is no longer a key performance indicator.

At press time, Instagram announced a feature that auto-sends videos to your ex if you hesitate while scrolling.

Inspired by Instagram Just Made a Big Change to Its Reels Algorithm.