“We realized that if your appliances don’t have a monthly subscription fee, we can’t monetize your morning routine,” said GroomLink CEO Sterling Steel. “By embedding Large Language Models in objects that should be dumb, we ensure your razor can chat about the weather while verifying your credit card is valid for the impending micro-transaction.”

Jenna Moore, a paralegal getting ready in an airport hotel bathroom, found herself pleading with her toothbrush. The bristles locked up rigidly because she hadn’t brushed her molars for the contractually obligated forty-five seconds. “It felt like dragging a stick across my teeth,” she said, as the handle vibrated a sharp rejection noise.

At press time, GroomLink’s smart toaster had begun ejecting bagels onto the floor because the user’s unauthorized carb intake violated the Terms of Service.

Inspired by Most dubious uses of AI at CES 2026.