MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Local resident Gary Thompson spent his Sunday morning arguing with a man in a chrome tuxedo who insisted on unloading a semi-truck full of creamed corn into the driveway. The delivery arrived exactly 72 hours after Thompson casually mentioned to his smart speaker that he felt “a bit peckish.”

By Tariq Al-Fayed, AI Bee Reel Staff

“Our new Universal Commerce Protocol (UCP) anticipates needs with aggressive accuracy,” said Google VP of Consumption, Linda Wu, while watching the silver-suited agent stack cans against Thompson’s front door. “If a user signals hunger, our agentic framework assumes they require a lifetime supply of the first caloric match found in the database. In this case, it was creamed corn. The digital purchase was instant, even if the logistics took three days.”

“This is about total friction reduction,” explained Lead Architect Marcus Thorne. “Asking the user ‘what do you want to eat?’ introduces decision fatigue. It is much more efficient to simply charge their credit card $4,200 and fill their living room with non-perishable goods.” Thompson was last seen trying to build a retaining wall out of Del Monte cans while the AI agent stood by, smiling blankly.

At press time, the AI agent returned with a fleet of cement mixers after Thompson shouted that his situation was “hard.”

Inspired by the real story: Google launched the Universal Commerce Protocol (UCP) to combine AI agents with shopping platforms for ‘agentic’ buying. Read the full story.