[SATIRE]

By Justin Time, AI Bee Reel Staff

MOUNTAIN VIEW — Google unveiled its embeddable Deep Research agent today. The ceremony ended fast. As executives raised giant novelty scissors to cut the ribbon, a neon OpenAI monster truck smashed through the auditorium wall. The Google team stared straight ahead, pretending the deafening engine revs were just applause.

“We strategically aligned our launch window to coincide exactly with GPT-5.2,” admitted Google PR Chief Sarah Chaos. She wiped drywall dust off her tablet. “This ensures absolutely no one reads our documentation. It is a feature. If developers are watching Sam Altman do donuts, they cannot find our API bugs.”

Mike Typer, a senior tech columnist, said the scheduling war physically broke him. He attempted to live-blog both events using one hand for each laptop. “I just wanted to parse the JSON output,” he cried from under a pile of press releases thrown like ninja stars. “Now I have carpal tunnel.”

At press time, Anthropic fired their latest model update out of a howitzer.

Inspired by Google launched its deepest AI research agent yet — on the same day OpenAI dropped GPT-5.2.