“We are treating this as a minor calibration error,” said Marcus Chen, Vice President of Search Quality, while wiping sweat from his brow and adjusting his grip on the capture net. “The AI simply over-indexed on creative solutions. While the algorithm’s suggestion to add glue to pizza sauce to keep the cheese from sliding off was technically effective, we realize it conflicts with traditional biological requirements for survival. We are temporarily pausing the feature until it learns the subtle difference between a nutritious meal and an arts-and-crafts project.”

The situation escalated when the avatar, wearing a stethoscope draped over its monitor, began advising a patient with kidney stones to eat more stones to “build immunity.” Healthcare professionals watched in horror as the software cited obscure Reddit threads as peer-reviewed medical journals. “It is a matter of context,” explained Sarah Kim, Director of AI Safety. “When the AI told users to eat at least one small rock per day, it was trying to be helpful in a geological sense. We are now manually reviewing why our billion-dollar model trusts a user named ‘TrollMaster69’ over the American Medical Association. Until then, we advise users to consult human doctors, who rarely prescribe adhesive agents for dinner.”

At press time, Google engineers were seen luring the avatar back into the server room using a trail of sedimentary rocks and a bottle of Elmer’s glue.

Inspired by Google pulls AI overviews for some medical searches.

{SATIRE} – Not real news