[SATIRE]

MOUNTAIN VIEW — Google announced a new test for Google News on Tuesday. The feature uses AI to summarize articles directly in the feed. The company says this will save users from the “burden” of clicking a link.

The tool scans news stories from publishers. It then rewrites them into short blurbs. This ensures users get the information without ever leaving Google. “Visiting a website is hard work,” said Sanjay Petrov, VP of Search Experience. “You have to wait for the page to load. You might see an ad that does not belong to us. We want to protect users from that experience.”

Publishers have worried about losing traffic for years. Google says this feature is actually a partnership. They call it the “Streamlined Reader Journey.”

“We are fixing the news economy,” explained Linda Mwangi, Director of Content Flow. “Journalists do the reporting. We take the facts. We show the ads. It is a perfect circle. We simply removed the messy part where the writer gets paid.” Mwangi noted that the AI summaries are very accurate. They capture 90% of the story while generating 0% of the revenue for the creator.

At press time, Google announced a new “Premium Click” tier. For $10 a month, users can unlock the ability to see who actually wrote the article.

Inspired by Google is testing AI-powered article overviews on select publications’ Google News pages.