[SATIRE]

SEATTLE — Tech giant OmniCorp announced a major shift in leadership style this week. The executive team will no longer provide answers. They will only ask “powerful questions.”

The new strategy is called “Inquiry-Led Growth.” It replaces business plans with philosophical riddles. “Answering questions is hard work,” said Sanjay O’Malley, VP of Visionary Alignment. “It requires data. It requires knowing what is going on. Asking ‘But why are we here?’ is much easier. It makes me sound deep. It also takes zero preparation time.”

Employees say the change has halted all work. One project manager asked for a budget increase to fix a server crash. Her boss replied by asking, “What does money truly represent?” The servers are still down. The manager is now writing an essay on the nature of value.

Management consultants praise the move. They say confusion is a sign of engagement. “Great leaders do not solve problems,” explained Chloe Patel, Chief Curiosity Officer. “They create space for ambiguity. If my team is confused, they are thinking. If they are thinking, I am leading. When I ask a junior developer ‘Who is the customer of your soul?’, I am disrupting their workflow. That is innovation.”

At press time, the CEO missed a critical earnings call. He was reportedly in the lobby asking the elevator, “Where are we really going?”

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