NEW YORK — By Kevin Spacebar, AI Bee Reel Staff

January 22, 2026

AUSTIN, Texas — Local father Mark Henderson stood in his backyard holding raw burger patties, staring helplessly at a charcoal grill displaying a ‘FIRMWARE UPDATING: 12%’ progress bar while guests looked on hungrily. The cookout ground to a halt when Henderson attempted to light a simple fire, only to be stopped by the grill’s urgent need to sync with the cloud.

“Fire is a legacy technology that was frankly unsafe without Bluetooth,” said Todd Williams, VP of Innovation at Weber. “We realized people were just burning wood and cooking food immediately. That is inefficient. The new Performer Smart Charcoal Grill prevents unauthorized searing until it verifies your Wi-Fi signal strength.”

Henderson tried to bypass the update by using a match, but the grill’s sensors detected an “unverified ignition source” and magnetically locked the lid. “It says I need to watch a 30-second ad for lighter fluid before I can flip the meat,” Henderson muttered, watching the update bar stall at 13%. His hungry children watched in silence as the grill rebooted twice to optimize its airflow algorithms.

At press time, the grill successfully finished updating but required a monthly subscription to open the air vents more than halfway.

Inspired by the real story: Weber is launching a new line of charcoal grills that include Wi-Fi and smart technology for 2026. Read the full story.