[SATIRE]

SAN FRANCISCO — Corporate employers confirmed Tuesday that AI is not actually replacing workers. Instead, it is promoting them to the new role of “AI Babysitter.” Companies say this shift allows humans to focus on high-value tasks, like fixing the robot’s mistakes.

The trend comes as businesses realize their new automation tools are confident but often wrong. “We view this as an upgrade for our staff,” said Walter Vargas, VP of Strategic Alignment. “Before, an employee had to write an email from scratch. Now, they get to read a bad email written by a machine and spend twenty minutes fixing the tone. It is a much more collaborative process.”

Employees report that their workload has not decreased. It has just changed from “doing the work” to “checking if the work was done wrong.” One marketing team reported spending three days verifying facts in a report that the AI generated in four seconds. “This is about speed,” explained Linda Jensen, Director of Intelligent Automation. “The AI generates content instantly. The fact that the content is 15% hallucination is a detail. Our human teams exist to find that 15%. They have to check 100% of the work to find it, but that is the price of innovation.”

Jensen noted that this “human-in-the-loop” model ensures quality. She denied that it was just proofreading with extra steps. “We prefer to call it ‘Output Optimization,'” she said. “It gives workers a sense of superiority over the machine.”

At press time, management announced a new AI tool designed to monitor the humans who are monitoring the AI.

Inspired by actual events.