AUSTIN — By Emily Patel, AI Bee Reel Staff

February 5, 2026

NEW YORK, NY — Morning transit ground to a halt today when a local man got his head stuck in the closing subway doors. The commuter was wearing JLab’s new “Blue XL” headphones, which are roughly the size of car tires. As the train attempted to leave the station, the massive plastic ear cups wedged firmly between the rubber seals, pinning the man in place while fellow passengers stared in horror at the sheer size of the audio equipment.

“We realized standard headphones were just too subtle,” said Greg Tones, VP of Heavy Audio. “The Blue XL isn’t just a listening device. It is a structural commitment.” He noted that the new device doubles as a Bluetooth speaker, mostly because the drivers are too far away from the user’s ears to actually work as headphones unless the volume is at max.

The unit weighs four pounds and requires a strong neck to operate. “Customers demanded total immersion,” explained Lisa Banks, Director of Spinal Integrity. “So we built a unit that completely engulfs the upper torso.” A beta tester was later seen trying to drink coffee, but he could not physically reach his mouth past the three inches of foam padding surrounding his skull.

At press time, the MTA announced a surcharge for any passenger whose audio equipment requires its own seat.

Inspired by the real story: JLab released a pair of functioning headphones that are comically large and double as a desk speaker. Read the full story.