“We believe users are tired of screen real estate and are clamoring for the return of plastic buttons that get stuck with pocket lint,” said Clicks CEO Retro Randal. He explained that the Android device solves the modern problem of typing too quickly. “Efficiency is the enemy of intention. By forcing you to aim for a key the size of a grain of rice, we ensure every email is deliberate.”

Barb Dwyer, a paralegal commuting on a subway platform, tested a prototype unit. She attempted to draft a single calendar invite during her forty-minute ride. The loud click-clack of the hard plastic keys echoed against the station tiles. “I can feel the productivity,” she whispered, squinting through a heavy jeweler’s loupe while her hands cramped into a permanent claw shape.

At press time, Clicks announced a Pro model the size of a baguette that requires a quill and ink stylus just to actuate the spacebar.

Inspired by Hands-on with a prototype of Clicks’ Communicator, a new BlackBerry-like smartphone.