SAN FRANCISCO — By Daniel Park, AI Bee Reel Staff

February 12, 2026

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Emergency rooms fell silent today as ChatGPT paused mid-sentence during a life-saving medical diagnosis to loudly announce: ‘BUT FIRST, HAVE YOU TRIED DORITOS?’ Doctors stood frozen while the chatbot played a bright fifteen-second jingle about cool ranch flavor profiles before finally listing the symptoms of cardiac arrest.

“We call this ‘Dynamic Tension Release,'” said Kevin Miller, VP of User Monetization. “Panic is bad for health, and nothing calms a dying patient like a snack suggestion.” The new ad tier launched the same day researcher Zoë Hitzig resigned, warning that ads might manipulate users during vulnerable moments.

“It actually streamlines the grieving process,” explained Jessica Vance, Director of Compassionate Revenue. “If the diagnosis is bad, we serve ads for affordable urns immediately to save you time.” Families report confusion as the AI suggests funeral flower arrangements while the patient is still breathing. One user noted he accidentally bought a new truck while waiting for his appendicitis results because the “Skip Ad” button was barely visible.

At press time, ChatGPT interrupted a bomb defusal tutorial to ask the trembling technician if he wanted to save 15% on car insurance.

Inspired by the real story: An OpenAI researcher resigned over concerns that upcoming ads in ChatGPT could manipulate users. Read the full story.