[SATIRE]

CHICAGO — Miller & Associates was a quiet tax firm. That changed on Monday. CEO Walter Gupta read an article about Saturday Night Live. He decided the firm needed “live TV energy.”

The new rules are strict. Accountants must stay up all night on Tuesdays to rewrite tax returns. Gupta calls this the “Writing Night.” He says it adds creative tension. Most employees say it adds math errors.

“We need to feel the deadline in our bones,” said Gupta, now calling himself the Executive Producer. “A tax audit is a performance. If you finish it three days early, you are not trying. We want to be rewriting the depreciation schedule five minutes before we send it to the IRS. That is where the magic happens.”

The firm also introduced “The Cut.” On Fridays, Gupta looks at completed client files. If he feels they are “boring,” he throws them in the trash. This happens even if the numbers are correct. Staff must then start over from scratch.

“It is about trusting the process,” explained Chloe Dubois, VP of Studio Energy. “Sometimes a tax return just doesn’t land. The flow is off. Maybe the deductions aren’t funny enough. We cut it to save the show. Yes, the clients are furious. But we are artists now.”

At press time, Gupta announced a “Musical Guest” would play drums during the weekly budget meeting.

Inspired by actual events.