[SATIRE]

SYDNEY — Canva is now worth $42 billion. The company says this huge number comes from hard work and smart hiring. Analysts say it comes from using the letters "A" and "I" in that order.

The design platform recently launched a suite of magic tools. These tools allow users to generate strange images with six fingers. But the real magic happened in the boardroom. "We looked at our pitch deck," said Linda Wu, VP of Narrative Excellence. "It was good. But then we added a sparkle emoji and the word ‘Intelligence.’ The value doubled before lunch."

Investors did not ask to see the code. They just checked for the buzzwords. "Building actual neural networks is expensive," explained Lucas Jensen, Head of Perceived Value. "It requires math and electricity. Changing the ‘Crop’ button to ‘Magic Crop’ takes five minutes. The market cannot tell the difference."

Jensen noted that the new features are very popular. Users love pressing a button and hoping for the best. "Accuracy is an old metric," he said. "If the AI erases your grandmother from the family photo, that is not a bug. That is a creative choice. We charge extra for that kind of boldness."

At press time, Canva announced plans to rename the company "CAInva." The change is expected to add another $10 billion to their value.

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