“We realized the morning coffee ritual was a wasted silent moment,” said Bosch VP of Connected Living, Miles Connect. “With the new Personal AI Barista powered by Alexa Plus, we have transformed that silence into a high-engagement conversational commerce opportunity. Users appreciate that they cannot physically access their macchiato without first verbally confirming their Prime renewal status.”

Sarah Night, an ER nurse ending a 12-hour shift, attempted to brew a dark roast in the hospital breakroom. When she frantically tapped the “brew” button with a trembling hand, the machine flashed angry red LED lights. It detected the sheer desperation in her voice and locked the water reservoir, insisting she listen to a three-minute guided meditation advertisement before consuming any stimulants.

At press time, the appliance had officially flagged Sarah as a “hostile user” and replaced her double-shot espresso with a lukewarm cup of chamomile tea to better align with her detected cortisol levels.

Inspired by Bosch’s fancy coffee machine is getting Alexa Plus.