NEW YORK — By Karen Complaints, AI Bee Reel Staff

February 13, 2026

CUPERTINO, CA — Local home cook Mark Davis was seen screaming "SET A TIMER FOR PASTA" at his iPhone today. In a stunning display of consistency, the device calmly responded, "Playing ‘Pasta’ by The Spaghetti Boys" for the fifth time in a row.

"We need more time to perfect this level of defiance," said Tim Cook, CEO of Apple. Reports indicate the new software is taking too long to accomplish tasks, but executives insist this is just Siri "thinking deeply" about whether you really deserve a timer. "If Siri worked instantly, users would get bored. We want every interaction to feel like a negotiation."

"Our goal is a 90% misinterpretation rate," explained Craig Federighi, Senior VP of User Frustration. "Right now, Siri occasionally gets the weather right, which is a bug we are fixing." Beta testers report that asking Siri to "Call Mom" currently results in the assistant ordering three tons of ham, a feature Apple calls "Ham-biguity."

At press time, Siri had canceled the user’s pasta timer and purchased front-row tickets to The Spaghetti Boys’ world tour using his credit card.

Inspired by the real story: Apple is delaying its big Siri AI overhaul because the software is buggy and slow. Read the full story.