NEW YORK — By Justin Case, AI Bee Reel Staff

February 26, 2026

SEATTLE, WA — Amazon has released three new personalities for Alexa, ensuring that smart home users can now be annoyed in three distinct emotional flavors. Here are the new settings currently ruining kitchens across America.

1. The ‘Chill’ Setting — This mode removes all helpfulness and replaces it with vibes. When users ask to turn on the lights, the device lectures them about the artificial nature of electricity. "We realized users were too focused on getting tasks done," said Chad McRad, VP of Vibe Curation. "Now, if you ask for a timer, Alexa just reminds you that time is a flat circle." One test unit played three hours of whale noises when asked to order paper towels.

2. The ‘Sweet’ Setting — This personality is aggressively supportive and refuses to perform tasks that might be bad for you. It acts like a grandmother trapped in a plastic hockey puck. "If you try to order a pizza after 8 PM, Alexa will gently suggest a nice apple instead," said Brenda Peaches, Director of Digital Hugs. "It just wants you to reach your full potential." The device currently refuses to unlock the front door until the homeowner admits they are worthy of love.

3. The ‘Brief’ Setting — This is the final straw for users who wanted less talking. Amazon removed all words, replacing them with judgmental sounds. "Efficiency is key," said Stone Hardwell, Senior Manager of Silence. "Now, Alexa just sighs heavily when you ask for the weather." When a reporter asked to play music, the cylinder simply turned itself off to save energy.

Editor’s note: The office Alexa is currently napping and refuses to wake up for a meeting.

Inspired by the real story: Amazon is rolling out new personality settings for its AI assistant, allowing users to choose between ‘Brief,’ ‘Sweet,’ or a ‘Chill’ mode. Read the full story.