[SATIRE]

SAN FRANCISCO — Synapticus AI responded to complaints about its new chatbot on Tuesday. Users reported the AI assumes doctors are men and nurses are women. The company says this is not a bug. It is a feature called “Vintage Accuracy Mode.”

The company claims the AI is not biased. It is just loyal to its training data. “We fed the system millions of business books from the 1950s,” said Sanjay Patel, VP of Model Heritage. “When the AI suggests a woman should take notes during the meeting, it is not being rude. It is being historically accurate to the era of three-martini lunches.”

Users noticed the issue during simple tasks. One user asked the AI to write an email for a CEO. The AI signed it “Mr. Sterling” and added a request for a cigar. Another user asked for a recipe. The AI asked if her husband was home yet. “We call this ‘Contextual Immersion,'” explained Sarah Washington, Head of Traditional Alignment. “The AI is simply role-playing a time when corporate hierarchies were clear. It gets confused by modern concepts like ‘equality’ or ‘HR violations.'”

At press time, Synapticus announced a fix. Users can unlock the “21st Century Module” for an extra $40 per month.

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