[SATIRE]

AUSTIN — A new report shows businesses are losing $12.5 billion a year due to broken links. Customers click ads for specific products but land on error pages. Companies say this is part of the plan.

The problem is simple. You see a shoe you like. You click the picture. The website takes you to a blank page or a blog post from 2019. “A direct link to checkout feels desperate,” said Aesha Patel, VP of Digital Journeys at a major retailer. “We want the customer to explore. If the link takes them to a 404 error page, that is just part of the mystery. It forces them to pause and reflect on whether they truly need the shoes.”

Data shows that 80% of shoppers give up immediately. Marketing teams are calling this a filter. “We call it friction-based loyalty,” explained Frank O’Malley, Director of Click Retention. “If a user really wants the toaster, they will find the search bar. They will type the product name manually. If they leave just because the link is broken, they were never serious about toast.” O’Malley noted that fixing the links would require talking to the IT department. He described that process as “too emotionally draining.”

At press time, the marketing team replaced the “Contact Support” link with a GIF of a man shrugging.

Inspired by actual events.