[SATIRE]

NEW YORK — Samsung clarified the purpose of its popular Frame TV on Tuesday. The company says the device is designed to be looked at, not watched. This comes after users complained about picture quality.

“We noticed some customers were trying to stream movies,” said Diego Wu, VP of Living Room Strategy. “That is not the intended use case. The Frame is designed to display a static picture of a fruit bowl. If you try to watch a dark movie like The Batman, that is user error. You are missing the point of the beige bezel.”

Tech reviewers often note the screen quality is average for the price. Samsung insists this is a premium feature called “Abstract Viewing.” The matte coating ensures that glare is reduced, along with contrast, brightness, and detail. The goal is to make the TV blend into the wall so well that you forget you own it.

“A sharp picture is rude,” explained Chloe Patel, Director of Visual Vibes. “It distracts from your expensive wallpaper. We lowered the brightness so it does not clash with your sofa. You pay a premium for a TV that respects your interior design by refusing to shine. It is performance art.”

At press time, Samsung released a “Pro” model. It is a solid wooden block with no electronics inside. It costs $3,000.

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