[SATIRE]

CHICAGO — Marketing giant AdVantage unveiled a new software tool on Tuesday. It takes perfect AI writing and ruins it on purpose. The company calls this “Authenticity Mode.”

The tool inserts spelling errors into clean text. It also adds rambling stories that go nowhere. “Customers do not trust perfect grammar anymore,” said Mei Washington, VP of Synthetic Authenticity. “If a sentence has a comma in the right place, people know a robot wrote it. We add broken sentences to build trust.”

The software offers three levels of humanity. The basic tier adds one typo per paragraph. The premium tier confuses “their” and “there.” It also uses slang from three years ago. “We call this ‘Strategic Incompetence,'” explained Washington. “It makes the brand feel relatable. Perfect writing feels cold. A newsletter with a run-on sentence feels like a friend wrote it at 2 AM.”

Early tests show mixed results. One bank used the tool for a mortgage contract. The AI replaced legal terms with shrug emojis. “The engagement numbers were huge,” noted Diego Jensen, Director of Imperfection Strategy. “People actually read the contract to find the mistakes. We count that as a win. We charge 40 percent extra for this feature because making an AI sound stupid takes a lot of computing power.”

At press time, AdVantage announced a new “Ghosting” feature. For an extra fee, the customer service chatbot will stop replying for three days due to “anxiety.”

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