[SATIRE]

CHICAGO — The CEO of Global Logistics Corp demanded a full AI rollout on Monday. He gave the tech team 48 hours. He did not say what the AI should do. He just said it had to be “smart” and “visible.”

The tech team panicked at first. Then they found a solution from the 1990s. They installed a virtual assistant that looks like a paperclip with eyes. They renamed it “Enterprise GPT.”

“He told us to ‘turn on the AI’ immediately,” said Marcus Chen, Head of Digital Systems. “We tried to ask what business problem he wanted to solve. He just yelled ‘the future’ and slammed his door. So we gave him the paperclip.”

The team programmed the paperclip to pop up randomly. It asks users if they are writing a letter. It also winks sometimes. This suggests it is thinking deep thoughts. The executive team loves it.

“This is the digital shift we needed,” said Elena Rodriguez, Chief Transformation Officer. “I opened a spreadsheet today. The AI asked if I needed help. That is predictive analytics at its finest. It knows my needs before I do.”

The company paid $2 million for the “upgrade.” The paperclip does not actually connect to the internet. It just runs a simple script. But it looks very busy. Employees say it is annoying. Management calls it “disruptive innovation.”

At press time, the CEO asked for “The Cloud.” The team is currently painting the server room walls white.

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