SEATTLE — A concerning new workplace trend called “boreout” is sweeping through corporate offices, distinguishing itself from traditional burnout. While burnout comes from stress and overwork, boreout strikes when employees using AI tools realize their new primary job function is staring at a blinking cursor while a chatbot writes their reports for them.

The phenomenon has led to record levels of disengagement among white-collar workers who previously enjoyed using their brains. Instead of solving problems, they now serve as chaperones for software. “We are seeing senior managers who haven’t typed a full paragraph in six months,” said David Chen, Vice President of Human-in-the-Loop Waiting. “Their entire day consists of pasting a prompt and watching a progress bar crawl across the screen like a digital snail. It is mentally exhausting to do absolutely nothing with such high intensity.”

To fix the issue, companies are rushing to fill the void with “simulated busyness.” Some firms have mandated that employees manually re-type AI-generated answers just to feel a sense of accomplishment. Others are installing eye-tracking cameras to ensure workers maintain eye contact with the loading screen to prevent them from falling asleep. “If the human looks away while the AI is thinking, the AI gets lonely and stops working,” claimed Dr. Lisa Vance, Director of Anthropomorphic Guilt. “It creates a cycle where the human is bored to tears but terrified to blink, leading to a state of vegetative employment.”

At press time, Google announced a new “wellness feature” for Gemini that intentionally slows down response times so employees have enough time to contemplate their own obsolescence before the answer appears.

Inspired by actual events.