While the malicious software is designed to “lay low” for future attacks, users report the foreign spies are doing a better job managing their home networks than the original settings. Homeowners claim the hack has solved connection problems that customer support could not fix for years.

“My video calls used to freeze constantly,” said Tom Wilson, a remote accountant in Ohio. “Now that a state-sponsored group is monitoring my traffic, the connection is crystal clear. If they want to watch me organize spreadsheets in exchange for stable Wi-Fi, that is a fair trade.”

Security officials are struggling to convince the public that having a “sleeper agent” in their living room is bad. The hackers appear to be keeping the devices updated and running smoothly to avoid detection, inadvertently providing the best service available.

“It is technically a national security risk,” admitted Dr. Emily Vance, Vice President of Digital Anxiety. “But strictly speaking, the hackers have better uptime statistics than the local cable company. It is hard to argue with results.”

At publishing time, Asus support lines were flooded with calls from customers asking how to manually install the virus to boost their gaming speeds.

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