While Head of Product Nikita Bier admitted the rollout had “a few rough edges,” company officials insisted the data is technically accurate. Users across the globe checked their profiles only to find the app listed their primary residence as “Stall 2, The Arby’s on N Taylor Dr.”

“We stand by the algorithm,” said Brad Hedges, X’s Director of Accidental Geography. “If the app says you are currently eating a roast beef sandwich in the Midwest, you need to ask yourself why you don’t trust the code. Perhaps you are sleepwalking? The computer is never wrong.”

The chaos escalated when the feature identified the entire population of Australia as being located inside a 2004 Honda Civic in Delaware. “It’s not a bug, it’s a feature,” explained Sarah Jenkins, VP of Explaining Things Away. “We are simply being transparent about the fact that we have absolutely no idea where anyone is.”

At publishing time, Elon Musk had reportedly fired the map for being “too woke” after it correctly identified his location as “Earth.”

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