NEW YORK — By Melissa Manager, AI Bee Reel Staff

February 27, 2026

AUSTIN, Texas — Marcus Thorne, Bumble’s newly appointed VP of Romantic Optimization, sat down to discuss the app’s latest artificial intelligence features. Thorne believes that finding love is merely a data problem that humans are too emotional to solve correctly.

AI Bee Reel: Why do users need a computer program to judge their personal selfies?

Marcus Thorne: “People have zero self-awareness. They think a photo holding a fish looks rugged. The AI knows it looks like a cry for help. Our algorithm scans the image and provides actionable truth. For example, it might tell a user, ‘The lighting in this bathroom selfie really highlights your deep-seated fear of intimacy.’ It is not mean. It is just efficient. We saved one man from uploading a photo where his eyes looked, statistically speaking, ‘too eager to move in.'”

ABR: That sounds incredibly hurtful. Are users actually enjoying being roasted by a robot?

Marcus Thorne: “They love the guidance.” Thorne picked up a tablet and jabbed at the screen aggressively with a stylus. “Look here. The AI is advising this user to crop out his cat because the feline’s body language suggests the owner is difficult to live with. It also suggests replacing gym selfies with photos of a balanced checkbook. It’s all about market value.”

Thorne abruptly ended the meeting when his own phone buzzed with a notification suggesting he change his shirt to look “less like a divorced magician.”

Inspired by the real story: Bumble creates AI tools to analyze user photos and offer tips for better profiles. Read the full story.