PALO ALTO — By Joseph Martinez, AI Bee Reel Staff

February 16, 2026

SAN JOSE, CA — Productivity at OmniGlobal Systems ground to a halt this morning when Senior Systems Administrator Gary Plinth was found physically hugging his server rack and hissing like a feral cat at a new hire. The standoff began when the intern, 22-year-old Kevin Tran, attempted to ask for the Wi-Fi password.

“Gary is displaying exactly the kind of stability we look for,” said Linda Wu, VP of Operations, as she watched Plinth bare his teeth at the HR team. The longer leaders mistake stability for commitment, the more momentum, growth, and performance quietly slip away. “Sure, nobody has been able to log in since Tuesday, but Gary hasn’t left that spot in 72 hours. That is dedication.”

The company has decided to support Plinth’s unique management style rather than encourage delegation. “We tried to introduce a documentation process, but Gary just ate the paper,” explained HR Director Mark Stevens. “Now we just slide lukewarm hot pockets under the door and hope he doesn’t bite the janitor again. It is much cheaper than training a replacement who might actually share information.”

At press time, Plinth had begun marking his territory around the breakroom coffee maker to ensure no one else could brew decaf.

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