SEATTLE — By Will Powers, AI Bee Reel Staff

February 10, 2026

CUPERTINO, Calif. — Local father Greg Miller was seen standing in a pitch-black living room holding a perfectly good lightbulb, screaming ‘UPDATE FIRMWARE’ at the ceiling fan. Miller, who simply wanted to read the newspaper, has been trapped in total darkness since his light switch decided it was no longer compatible with his wall.

“We have improved home security by making sure no one can actually use their house,” said Apple VP of Darkness, Tim Switch. “If your lights do not turn on, hackers cannot see your furniture.” On February 10, 2026, Apple officially ended support for the original HomeKit architecture, turning millions of smart devices into very expensive plastic bricks.

“The old system allowed users to turn on lights too easily,” explained Director of Friction, Kevin Block. “Now, you must negotiate with your lamp first.” Block noted that anyone still using an iPad as a home hub should probably just buy a new house to fix the glitch. Meanwhile, Miller was spotted trying to scan a QR code on his thermostat just to lower the temperature one degree.

At press time, Miller began shouting his iCloud password at the kitchen sink in hopes of getting a glass of water.

Inspired by the real story: Apple is shutting down its old smart home system, breaking devices that haven’t been updated. Read the full story.