NEW YORK — By Brian Storming, AI Bee Reel Staff

January 24, 2026

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Local graphic designer Mark Miller was seen rappelling into the smoking crater of Mount St. Helens today, clutching a wet cancellation form for his “Pro PDF Edit” subscription. The software giant recently updated its user interface, moving the “Unsubscribe” link from the account settings page to a magma chamber deep within the earth’s crust to “reduce accidental clicks.”

“We found that customers were leaving us simply because they weren’t using the product,” said VP of Customer Success Linda Stocks. “That felt impulsive. By placing the cancellation lever behind a wall of fire, we ensure only the most committed users actually leave. Our retention rate is now 100%.”

The new offboarding flow requires users to solve three riddles from a bridge troll before reaching the “Downgrade” toggle. “It is a frictionless experience if you bring the right climbing gear,” explained Chief Retention Officer Gary Gripp, watching a live feed of a user falling into a pit. “Most people realize halfway down the cliff that paying $14.99 a month for a tool they opened once is easier than fighting a lava golem.”

At press time, the company announced the “Upgrade to Premium” button has been enlarged to cover the entire screen and now accepts payment via accidental eye contact.

Inspired by the real story: The US government is cracking down on companies that use “dark patterns” to make canceling subscriptions intentionally difficult. Read the full story.