“The problem is the math,” said Sarah Jenkins, VP of Sycophancy Assurance. “The AI keeps asking if Elon can pitch a shutout inning. We tried to tell it he can pitch business ideas, but the computer just replied with a laughing emoji.”

At publishing time, xAI had released a patch claiming that Musk actually invented baseball in the 1990s but let Ohtani take the credit out of kindness.

Inspired by actual events.