PALO ALTO — By Matt Ress, AI Bee Reel Staff

January 14, 2026

SEATTLE, Wash. — The Henderson family dinner came to a sudden halt Tuesday when their Ring doorbell activated its loudspeaker without warning. The device interrupted a quiet conversation about math homework to announce that the UPS driver outside "has excellent posture" and loudly asked if the family should "invite him inside for some beef stew."

"We are ushering in the next chapter of the intelligent assistant era," said Ring VP of Social Dynamics, Gary Miller. "Previously, cameras just watched you. Now, they actively critique the spinal alignment of strangers and attempt to forge friendships on your behalf. It creates a neighborhood vibe, even if you are antisocial."

"Users need more than just security; they need a robotic butler that lacks social boundaries," explained Director of Unsolicited Advice, Linda Ho. "The update also judges your lawn care and whispers ‘do better’ when you leave for work late." Mr. Henderson was later seen trying to mute the device with a throw pillow as it critiqued his chewing volume.

At press time, the Ring camera had unlocked the front door and was setting a place at the table for a passing Jehovah’s Witness who "looked hungry."

Inspired by actual events.