LOS ANGELES, CA — Residents are rushing to buy heavy-duty helmets today as Walmart announced a massive expansion of its aerial bombardment program, widely known as grocery delivery. In a scene becoming increasingly common across the neighborhood, local dad Mark Stevenson was seen frantically attempting to flip burgers while ducking under a buzzing swarm of plastic drones raining single jars of mayonnaise onto his patio like condiment hail.

By Javier Mendoza, AI Bee Reel Staff

“We are thrilled to bring the miracle of flight to your condiment needs,” said Brenda Liu, VP of Aerial Logistics, ignoring the sound of breaking glass in the background. “By expanding to 150 more locations in cities like Miami and St. Louis, we ensure no burger goes dry, even if it means momentarily blotting out the sun with buzzing robots.” She confirmed the partnership with Wing will bring instant delivery to millions, turning quiet cul-de-sacs into busy airports.

The program aims to fix the “last mile” problem by turning it into a high-stakes obstacle course. “Our data shows customers actually enjoy catching their groceries mid-air,” explained Todd Gurney, Director of Customer Reflexes. “It adds a physical thrill to dinner prep that a minivan simply cannot provide.” Neighbors report that while the delivery is fast, the constant mechanical hum sounds like a leaf blower convention, forcing families to eat indoors or wear industrial ear protection while enjoying nature.

At press time, Wing announced a new “Express Heavy” tier, delivering watermelons from 400 feet without a parachute to speed up fruit salad preparation.

Inspired by the real story: Alphabet-owned Wing is expanding its drone delivery partnership with Walmart to 150 more locations across the US. Read the full story.