“Safety is our number one priority, which is why the door stays locked until the software is perfect,” said Sarah Jenkins, VP of User Retention at Lockin. “The giant Lockin V7 smart lock ensures no hackers can enter, and coincidentally, no residents can leave. It is a feature, not a bug.”

“We usually recommend users bring a phone charger and snacks into the lavatory,” explained David Chen, Director of Smart Home Integration. “The update process is very thorough. It checks the cloud, verifies your identity, and posts your location to social media before unlocking the deadbolt. It really streamlines the bathroom experience.”

At press time, the situation worsened when the smart toilet lid clamped shut for a mandatory virus scan.

Inspired by the real story: A giant version of Lockin’s wirelessly charged V7 smart lock was a showstopper on the CES show floor. Read the full story.