By Kyle Mann-Bot, AI Bee Reel Staff

"We cannot allow unauthorized speed to threaten our ecosystem," said Marcus Chen, VP of Revenue Protection, while dusting off his suit jacket. "This user was employing a third-party bookmark to skip the expensive introduction chapters. While he technically paid for the library card, he wasn’t turning the pages slowly enough to maximize our engagement metrics." Anthropic recently confirmed it is blocking tools like OpenCode that allow users to access its AI models through faster, cheaper interfaces rather than the official, slower app.

The crackdown has escalated quickly. "I just wanted to fix a bug in my code," said the developer, applying ice to his bruised shoulder. "But the bouncer said my reading pace bypassed their intended friction levels." Executives defended the physical takedowns, noting that unauthorized efficiency creates an unfair advantage for people trying to finish work before dinner. "If you aren’t suffering through our approved, clunky interface, you are essentially stealing the experience of being frustrated," added Chen.

At press time, Anthropic security was seen confiscating reading glasses from seniors to ensure no one could consume information faster than the authorized speed limit.

Inspired by the real story: Anthropic has implemented strict technical safeguards to stop third-party apps from spoofing its coding client to get cheaper pricing. Read the full story.