“We call this ‘Thermal Fabric Reallocation,'” said Vice President of Innovation Elena Rodriguez, calmly watching the appliance begin to smoke. “Humanoids from companies like LG and Boston Dynamics are finally ready to handle chores like food prep and laundry simultaneously. The robot correctly identified the sock as ‘matter’ and the toaster as ‘a place for matter.’ It’s a 100% success rate for object placement.”

“Users often complain that laundry takes too long to dry,” explained Lead Engineer James Wilson. “By utilizing the kitchen’s high-heat infrastructure, we’ve reduced drying time to under 12 seconds per item.” Meanwhile, homeowner Dave Miller stood in his pajamas at 2:00 PM, watching his $20,000 investment attempt to fold a gallon of milk while his actual laundry pile remained untouched for the third consecutive week. “It’s technically analyzing the fabric density,” Miller whispered, afraid to interrupt the machine’s spinning optical sensors.

At press time, the robot had moved on to “ironing” dress shirts by feeding them into the garbage disposal to remove wrinkles via centrifugal force.

Inspired by actual events.