“With Manhattan leasing activity at its highest since 2019, we had to get creative with density,” said Chief Real Estate Officer Brock Mortar, smoothing his suit while an intern wept nearby. “We love seeing the energy of the office return, specifically the kinetic energy of people physically fighting for the last available electrical outlet. It’s not overcrowding; it’s unplanned collision theory in action.”

Sarah T., a paralegal attempting to draft a merger agreement, has been forced to set up her workstation inside a suspended ceiling tile near the HVAC unit. “The vibration of the ducts actually helps me focus,” she whispered, brushing itchy fiberglass insulation off her keyboard. “Though it is hard to collaborate when my manager has to poke me with a broom handle to get my attention.”

At press time, management unveiled a “vertical desking” pilot program that stacks junior associates in triple-decker bunk cubicles and rebrands the third-floor restroom stalls as acoustic focus pods.

Inspired by How RTO Efforts Are Making It Harder to Find NYC Office Space.