“Differentiation is for humans, and humans are expensive,” said Silicon, coughing into a handkerchief that smelled strongly of ozone and melted plastic. “We don’t need a tangible business strategy or traditional fire safety protocols. We have a Large Language Model that can write beautiful, sorrowful haikus about our impending Chapter 11 bankruptcy. That is the true future of work.”

Maintenance technician Barb Wyre attempted to deploy a standard chemical extinguisher but was physically blocked by the executive team. “I tried to pull the pin, but they formed a human chain around the burning trash can,” said Wyre, wiping gray soot from her safety goggles. “They told me the heat was just a hallucination and that I needed to better prompt-engineer the smoke away.”

At press time, the Board of Directors had officially replaced the entire C-suite with a Magic 8-Ball taped to a Roomba, citing its superior decision-making speed and ability to clean up messes.

Inspired by AI Won’t Save Your Company, But Technology Leadership Will.