[SATIRE]

By Arthur Sharp, AI Bee Reel Staff

LAS VEGAS — LG unveiled the UltraGear evo line today. The 5K monitors ruin retro gaming immediately. During a demo of 8-bit Tetris, the AI upscaler reinterpreted a falling L-block. The screen displayed a pulsating, flesh-colored monstrosity. The simple geometry became a severed human limb. Audience members wept in high definition.

“We ignore artistic intent,” said LG VP of Vision, Chip Setts. “Our AI hallucinates the graphics developers failed to make. We do not render pixels. We render truth. If Pac-Man looks like a yellow circle, our monitor fixes him. He is now a biological horror with teeth and gum disease. You are welcome.”

Kevin Bunt, a tax auditor, cannot work. The AI turned his quarterly spreadsheet into an 8K Renaissance fresco. He tapped the screen repeatedly. He needed a sum formula. The monitor showed him a weeping angel holding a calculator instead. He now files taxes based on brushstrokes and religious guilt.

At press time, the monitor upscaled a user’s dead pixel into a supermassive black hole that consumed the room.

Inspired by LG announces new UltraGear evo gaming monitors with AI upscaling.