[SATIRE]

By Justin Tyme, AI Bee Reel Staff

SAN FRANCISCO — Retro launched its new “Rewind” feature today. The interface immediately caused physical exhaustion in local coffee shops. Users now strap on brass steampunk goggles and heave a rusted industrial lever attached to their iPhones just to locate a photo of avocado toast from 2022.

“We call it ‘Time Travel’ because ‘scrolling up’ didn’t test well with our target demographic of nostalgic 24-year-olds,” said Lead Developer Mark Eting. “Why simply swipe a finger when you can simulate the mechanical labor of a Victorian factory worker to see a picture of a dog? It turns UI navigation into a cardio workout.”

Kyle Jenkins, a barista, said the app forced him into puberty again. As he cranked the dial back to 2016, he spontaneously sprouted metal braces and severe cystic acne. “I just wanted to find a meme,” Jenkins noted while applying thick layers of Clearasil in the middle of a latte pour.

At press time, Retro announced a premium tier that requires sacrificing a live goat to view photos from next Tuesday.

Inspired by Retro, a photo-sharing app for friends, lets you ‘time-travel’ through your camera roll.