[SATIRE]

By Marina Trench, AI Bee Reel Staff

SAN FRANCISCO — OpenAI deployed a new model today. It triggered a drought. A beta tester typed ‘Write me a haiku,’ and a fire hose blasted 50 gallons of water into a server rack. The simple prompt cost three swimming pools to process.

‘Efficiency is our goal,’ said VP Hydr O’Grady. ‘To answer your inquiry about sustainability, we drained three major aquifers. But that poem about the cat was worth it. We view the Colorado River as a legacy dependency to deprecate.’

Kevin Dunes, a junior developer, stared at a withered fern. Management replaced the office water cooler with an ‘AI Coolant Intake’ funnel. ‘They made me spit my latte into the server room,’ Dunes said, while he wrung a wet towel over a smoking GPU.

At press time, Microsoft announced plans to melt the polar ice caps to render one image of a dog.

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