[SATIRE]

MOUNTAIN VIEW — Google launched a new test on Tuesday for Google News. The feature uses AI to summarize articles directly in the feed. The company says this saves users from the “exhausting labor” of visiting actual websites.

The update aims to solve a long-standing problem for the search giant: users leaving.

“We noticed a friction point in the user journey,” said Chloe Silva, VP of Engagement Retention. “Users were searching for news, finding it, and then clicking a link to read it. That final step required them to leave Google. We realized this was a failure of our design. We want to be the internet, not just the door to it.”

Silva noted that clicking a link burns approximately 1.4 calories. “We are giving that energy back to the user,” she added.

Publishers worry the change will destroy their traffic. They rely on visitors to show ads and pay staff. Google dismissed these concerns as old-fashioned.

“We are actually doing publishers a favor,” explained Walter Jensen, Director of Content Harvesting. “Before, a user had to suffer through the burden of loading a webpage and supporting a journalist. Now, our AI scrapes that content and presents it cleanly. The publisher gets zero dollars, but they get the honor of training our model. That is a different kind of currency.”

Jensen clarified that the “Learn More” button is still there. However, it is now light gray on a white background. It is also located at the bottom of a 400-word summary.

At press time, Google announced a Premium tier. For $10 a month, the AI will decide how you feel about the news so you do not have to think at all.

Inspired by Google is testing AI-powered article overviews on select publications’ Google News pages.