[SATIRE]

SAN FRANCISCO — OpenAI defended its new “app suggestions” feature on Tuesday. Users complained that the AI stopped answering questions to show them ads. The company says this is actually a feature, not a bug.

The update changes how the bot handles simple requests. If you ask for a weather forecast, it might suggest a travel app. If you ask for a math solution, it suggests a paid tutor.

“We realized that giving answers is inefficient,” said Diego Kowalski, VP of Revenue Optimization. “When a user asks a question, that is a purchasing signal. If you ask how to boil an egg, you do not want instructions. You clearly want to download a subscription cooking app for $9.99 a month. We are just helping you find your credit card faster.”

Early testers say the feature is aggressive. One user asked for Python code and got a link to a snake handling course. OpenAI claims this expands user horizons. “Direct answers are boring,” explained Linda Petrov, Head of Strategic Interruptions. “We call this ‘Commercial Serendipity.’ The AI anticipates what you might buy, rather than what you actually asked for. It prioritizes the economy over your curiosity.”

Petrov noted that the suggestions are not technically ads. They are “sponsored helpfulness.”

At press time, OpenAI announced a new Premium Plus tier. For $40 a month, the AI will answer your question before trying to sell you insurance.

Inspired by OpenAI slammed for app suggestions that looked like ads.