[SATIRE]

SEATTLE — Zillow removed climate risk scores from home listings on Tuesday. The company said the data was “confusing” for buyers. Real estate agents had complained that knowing a house might flood made people not want to buy it.

The company calls this a “focus on positivity.” Previously, listings showed if a home faced high risks from fire or floods. Now, that space will show a larger button to contact an agent. “We want to reduce information friction,” said Dmitri Vargas, VP of Market Fluidity. “When a buyer sees a ‘Severe Flood Risk’ warning, they get scared. They stop looking at the granite countertops. That anxiety is bad for the closing process.”

Agents reported that sales dropped 20% when buyers knew the truth. Zillow decided the best solution was to hide the truth. The update also lets agents rename certain risks. A basement that floods is now listed as a “seasonal aquatic feature.” A home in a fire zone is described as “sun-drenched.”

“Data should support the transaction, not block it,” explained Aisha Washington, Head of Agent Success. “Our job is to connect people with homes. If the home will be underwater in five years, that is a future problem. Today, the commission check clears. We do not want to burden buyers with negative facts right now.”

At press time, Zillow announced they will also remove crime statistics. They said knowing about burglaries was “bad vibes.”

Inspired by Zillow drops climate risk scores after agents complained of lost sales.