SAN FRANCISCO — Database startup Supabase reached a $5 billion valuation this week. They did it by doing the unthinkable. They ignored the Fortune 500.

Most companies hire armies of salespeople to chase big contracts. Supabase took a different approach. They simply refused to open any email with a PDF attached. “We did the math,” said Wei Silva, VP of Efficiency. “A big bank offered us a $2 million contract. But they required a ‘strategic alignment summit’ in Vegas. We realized it was cheaper to just set the money on fire.”

The strategy has confused the corporate world. Traditional software sales rely on long lunches and golf outings. Supabase just lets people use the software. This has caused panic among executives who need to buy things.

“I have been trying to buy their premium tier for six months,” said Frank O’Malley, Director of Vendor Procurement at a major insurance firm. “I sent them our standard 90-page compliance form. They sent me a link to a YouTube video of a cat falling off a chair. I flew to their office to buy them a steak dinner. The door was locked.”

Analysts say this “anti-sales” model is working. By skipping meetings, the company saves thousands of hours a year. They spend that time making the product work. This is a radical departure from industry standards.

At press time, Supabase announced a new “Enterprise Minus” tier. For $50,000 a month, they promise never to assign you a dedicated account manager.

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